Lost in the Woods!
by Esprit and Tessa
Summary: Yugi, Bakura and Malik get lost in the forest with hilarious results. Rated mostly for language.
1. Evil Hair and Leeches

LOST IN THE WOODS!  
By: Esprit & Tessa  
  
On the ledge there stood a lone mountain lion. Its eyes blazed fire and its un-brushed teeth shone in the sunlight. It sniffed the air trying to catch the scent of its next victim (and soon to be dinner). Nearby, a tiny mouse chewed on a seed. The mountain lion, forgetting all his dignity, closed in to pounce on the unsuspecting rodent. The mouse abruptly stopped chewing and began to run in hopes of saving it's furry little "BEEP". The mountain lion darted in front of the field mouse and grinned in a toothy mountain lion fashion. It quickly devoured the mouse, but its hunger was still not sated. It needed a larger prey, but where would he find it?  
  
Suddenly it spotted a spiky head of hair. The red, yellow and black spikes caught its attention. Dinner was served!! But what was this? It heard two voices but only one boy was anywhere to be seen. "No, leave me alone!!!" the boy screamed and yanked on his bangs. "Now you listen to us!" the lead bang rasped, "You will obey us, for if you don't you may find a certain array of spikes torn to ribbons!" Soon another voice could be heard. "Great Scott old bean, I didn't know your hair was alive. Bloody hell!!" And the lion spied a white-haired boy run screaming from the woods. "Noooo! Come back! Don't leave me with this evil hair!!!!!!!" the smaller of the two pleaded, very distressed. "Shut up! We don't need him! Together we can rule the world and destroy all the scissors!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!" yelled the evil bangs. "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" cried the white-haired boy as he spotted the mountain lion. "Runrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrun!!!!!!" he squeaked, grabbing the shorter of the two by the collar, and ran back into the woods.  
  
Suddenly the short boy got an idea. "Hey, I know, lets hide under our hair and maybe the lion will mistake us for two very oddly coloured porcupines". " Alright, it's worth a try..." replied the white haired boy. Well, their plan worked, but instead of mistaking the two boy's hair for porcupines, the lion assumed that they were two demented bushes. And it just so happened that the lion had to do his business at that time. He walked up to them, and was just about to raise his leg when the nearest bush said, "Hey! Stop that! I don't need a shower, and especially not from you!" And one of the long yellow bangs reached up and bit the cougar in the "lower back". The cougar yipped and ran off and the two boy's jumped up. "Great Scott, that possessed thing on your head just saved us!!" Cried the albino boy, quite taken aback. "No," whispered the short boy. "Not for us, all to help its own plans for WORLD DOMINATION!! " "Ummmmm..." Bakura said, and sweat-dropped.  
  
They continued walking, only stopping once, when Yugi's hair bit Bakura in the nose and he had to wash it out in a creek, only to be latched onto by hungry leeches. "So, since we got lost in this forest, maybe we should set up camp," Bakura said rationally, still trying to yank the leech off his nose that had attached itself to him over three hours ago. "Yeah, I guess." Yugi said glumly. As they set up camp, Yugi's hair attached to a tent flap, so Yugi had to sleep outside as " Punishment for disobedience and not gelling me the other day. You looked like cousin 'It' after taking a ride in a cotton candy machine!" That night, of course, it rained.  
  
The next morning, when the birds just began to twitter, and the sun peeked shyly over the mountain range nearby, a loud noise, followed by cursing was heard. "Damn it! I an spending a fortune on batteries alone!" And an annoyed looking teenage boy with platinum blonde hair stepped out of the trees. He approached Yugi's tent. "Maybe who ever is in that tent has some batteries for my millennium rod, for I'll NEVER be able to take over the world if my Item won't work! He started to walk out of the trees when he spotted what looked like a spiky yellow "snake" attached to a short and rather wet boy chewing on the tent flap. "On second thought maybe I will wait here" he thought to himself as he stepped back into the trees. "Apparently if I want to get batteries, I'll have to deal with that little midget and his wimpy albino friend." It was at that moment that Malik realized he didn't have a clue as to where he was. ()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()***********************()()()()()()()()( )()()()()()()()()()  
  
Tessa: So, what did you think? Esprit and I wrote this fic on a sugar high.  
  
Esprit: ^-^; Please R&R! The next chapter will have even more fun and insanity! 


	2. The Hearing Impairement and Demented Yam...

The Hearing Impairment  
  
The next morning Bakura awoke inside the tent. The tent had a rip on the top so it had leaked rainwater all over him. He was also starving. "*Sigh*, what I wouldn't give for some bacon, eggs, home fries, toast and coffee." He crawled outside the tent. The ground, ( and Yugi ) were soaking wet. Yugi's hair was no longer chewing on the tent and was snoring very loudly. He bent down. "Wake up" he said. Yugi sat up very fast. "Eggs and bacon please!" he announced. Bakura looked surprised. "You dropped the home fries the toast and the coffee?" Yugi looked shocked "did you just call me a hottie!!?" Bakura became worried. "Do you have a hearing problem, chap?"  
  
"A piece of crap?!" Yugi exclaimed, greatly puzzled. "Do you have a cold old bean?" asked Bakura. "Eww, it's mouldy and green!?" Yugi screamed. Suddenly Yugi's hair awoke and growled "Whooo's mouldy and green?" Now Bakura had never talked to hair before so he began to panic. "Er, um, you talk to it Yugi, it's YOUR hair," exclaimed the British lad. (Now, Yugi has developed a cold from sleeping outside in the rain, so his ears are plugged up. Remember that.) Bakura muttered to himself, "He seems to be ill. I KNEW something was wrong!" "Ack!!!!!! You're wearing a thong!!!?????????!!!!!!!" a traumatized Yugi yelled from somewhere nearby. Thinking the short boy had found out his secret, Malik jumped out of the trees and forgetting his rod was out of batteries pointed it at the two boys. "I demand to know what you're doing here" he shouted.  
  
"What, you've got an ice- cold beer? But... but you're under legal drinking age!" Malik gave Yugi a look. He then turned to Bakura and whispered, "Is he high?" Bakura shrugged. "MMMMMmmmmmm, a piece of pie," Yugi happily interrupted. Bakura became frantic. "You must excuse my friend, he has a hearing problem, you see!!!" "A bee?! Where?!" Yugi shrieked, running in circles.  
  
Malik was getting annoyed. "He is afraid of a little bee, but around me he shows no fear" he reasoned. "Again with the beer?" Yugi moaned. "You need to get yourself a girlfriend". Malik didn't care for that comment. "I will destroy you all with my Egyptian god card the winged dragon of Ra" he exclaimed. Yugi looked liked he had just seen Yami Malik in a speedo, "Whaaaaatttt!!!! You're wearing a bra!!??" "Yes," Malik said sarcastically, "And my Yami and Yami Bakura just signed a peace treaty." Bakura had had enough. He began to slam his face on the nearest object available, which, obviously, was a tree. "I want to go home!!!" he wailed. "Stop doing that, you could get a brain injury," Malik said in complete monotone. "Ya suck it up you stupid British pansy!" Yugi's hair growled. "But first we are going to take you to a barber's shop you possessed bird nest!!" Bakura screamed. Yugi's hair immediately took offence to that comment and began to peck at Bakuras face. A giant sweat drop formed on Malik's forehead.  
  
"Am I the only SANE person here??" he wondered. "Awwww, isn't that sweet. My hair is kissing Bakura," Yugi smiled. "And now they're playing tag. Looks like my hair is it. But why does Bakura have red hot sauce all over his face?"  
  
The "game of tag" between Bakura and the evil hair soon became more, erm, "competitive", and Yugi's evil bangs bit Bakura in the "lower back". "YEEEEEEOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!" Bakura yelped, and flew up ten feet in the air, conking his skull on a tree branch, and squishing Yugi when he landed. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!" Yugi squeaked pitifully, trying to free himself from the now unconscious albino. A bright light surrounded him and Yami took over his midget friend. "What in Ra's name is going on here?" he exclaimed. Something was suddenly different with Malik too. His hair was even weirder than before, and his face was... stretching!!???  
  
"Yami Malik!" the former pharaoh grimaced. "Yes and now I will take over your mind! Bwahahahahaha!!" the even more demented version of Malik cried. He jumped up and aimed his millennium rod at Yami.  
  
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Esprit: Hey peoples! Chapter 2 is up!  
  
Tessa: Yup! ^o^ WEEEEEEEE!!!!!! ^-^ XDDDDDDD  
  
Esprit: 0.0; She gets like that on a sugar high...  
  
Tessa: MMMMMMMMMMMM... sugaaaaarrr... 


End file.
